Brittany, a survivor of child sexual abuse attended The Haven Retreat and shares her story to give strength to others.

I Share My Story to Give Strength to Others

I had the amazing opportunity to attend the Saprea Retreat. Words cannot even begin to express how amazing of an experience it was for me! I have never been so at peace with myself and stress-free in my life as I was for those four days.

Yes, it was highly emotional and tears definitely flowed but it was like a release. Before my tears lead to anxiety attacks and severe anger problems. Now, I have learned how to control these moments and be happy and courageous.

I share my story so that anyone who has ever been through what I’ve been through can get the help they deserve and learn that they are strong, they are beautiful, and they are loved. Thank you so much to all of the wonderful staff that made us feel like royalty and taught us how to feel beautiful again!

-Brittany, Survivor

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Rebecca, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat and forward is the only direction to go.

Forward is the Only Direction to Go

I had decided I had to quit looking in the review mirror and face it head on. Of course my feelings started to rise back up, the skeleton started to come out after 28 years of being in the closet.

I am a mother of four children, two handsome sons and two beautiful daughters. A grandmother of three handsome boys and one diva granddaughter. I was sexually abused. I would pray that one-day God would give me the strength to get out.

I had very low self-esteem of myself. I finally decided that I needed to curl-up and die or get up and fight. I made the decision to fight, and make a better life for my 3 children. Because this was not the life I wanted for me or for them to see.

I knew then that I could only cry out to my God to give me the strength, wisdom, knowledge & understanding on how to be the best single mom I could be to protect my children from harm and give them a better life than I had.

My favorite scripture is Philippians 3:14 “I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God.” So every time I get discouraged or feel like I couldn’t go on, or I am not good enough I just refresh my memory of this scripture. Know that God holds the key to my future and my children’s future. I know that what I went through was not right and I didn’t deserve it but because of it I am the Woman I am today. It only made me stronger and better not bitter.

I am thankful for the Saprea Retreat. It made me realize that it’s okay to talk about it, to get counseling if needed.

-Rebecca, Survivor

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Rebecca, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat and saw it as her new beginning.

The Saprea Retreat Was My New Beginning

I learned of Saprea Retreat from a brave survivor on Facebook. I am forever grateful she shared. While the decision to attend was not easy—there are so many emotions that accompany such a decision—I am so glad it came down in the affirmative. I made a choice to learn. I made a choice to grow. I made a choice to turn and face the storm inside because I really wanted to calm it.

Arriving at the retreat was surreal. I was surrounded by women who were strong and courageous enough to come and face the same demons I was up against. We were all nervous and scared in some way. The staff were all welcoming and radiated acceptance, confidence, and love in such a powerful way, we were all put at ease and the work began almost immediately.

I was concerned about group therapy, but found that I truly enjoyed it. I had the most considerate ladies in my group. Their stories touched my heart and created a bond I will forever cherish and draw strength from. We still talk almost every day in a messaging group we set up. They are respectful, uplifting, and encouraging. They are my sisters and they fill what had been a gaping hole of family, friends, and connection.

Speaking of connection, the focus on getting in touch with your own body was so helpful. As survivors, we tend to disassociate with our own being. I found that to be so true for me. The Muay Thai was particularly profound for me. It was very rhythmic, much like the drum circle we experienced the first night. That was another thing I was skeptical about—but I went in open minded and I loved it. I could feel myself start to feel again, if that makes sense. Don’t get me wrong, I stunk it up! Good thing nothing important depended on me doing it well. But I learned a lot about how rhythm affects the body. I am continuing the work to find mine.

There is not a moment that I regret going. Even when the road seems so long still and I feel overwhelmed because there is so much to do in this healing journey, I am grateful I chose to begin the healing process. I have a lot more tools in my bag to handle the challenge, thanks to the retreat.

If you are in that moment of deciding whether to attend, if you feel a traumatic sexual event in childhood is still affecting you today, summon the courage and submit the application. You will need courage for more than four days, though. The retreat is just the beginning, but it is the most profound beginning I’ve ever had.

-Rebecca, Survivor

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Connie, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat and can do the work she has left to do.

There Is Work to Be Done, but I Can Do It

This is probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to write. I’ve contemplated for days on how to adequately express myself. I have struggled with deciding to say anything at all, but I would feel like a horrible, selfish, ungrateful person if I kept it to myself.

I was given the opportunity to go to the Saprea Retreat.

This past year has been one of my hardest yet. Why my mind remembered things I haven’t remembered in 20+ years baffled me. It made everything else I had to deal with seem unbearable. I could feel myself eroding away back into a shell of myself, and I didn’t want to be there again. So even though, I was petrified to go, I went.

I attended many classes that explained the different ways our bodies and brains change after trauma, all sorts of trauma, which I’ve had more than my fair share of. I learned that for all the times I’ve been called weird, questioned why I can’t sleep, why I did this, why I don’t do that, and why I felt crazy, had a reason. Those things were normal for trauma survivors, and that some things can change.

I cried a lot. I laughed a lot. I also got angry for allowing myself to feel this way for so long. I was finally able to say things out loud that I’ve never said to anyone. It’s impossible for me to explain how healing it is to just be honest even if what you have to say is “terrible.” I made friends that I’ll always cherish, and we continue to support each other.

I received the purest form of unconditional love, kindness, and understanding from complete strangers. It completely overwhelmed me because I never have thought I was worth very much.

Most importantly I learned to accept that I do deserve to be happy, that I am worth something, and that I am not alone. I can honestly say, it saved my life. I’m not “fixed” or “cured.” I have a lot of work to do, but I know I can do more than exist.

-Connie, Survivor

Interested in Attending Saprea Retreat?