How to Heal: 11 Books That Can Help You

One of our most-asked questions from survivors is “What can I do today?” One answer is read. The books below were suggested by clinicians and survivors alike. These books helped survivors know they weren’t alone, the next steps they could take, or ways to cope with the day-to-day reality of recovering from childhood sexual abuse. Maybe one of these books can help you on your healing journey.

01
TRAUMA AND RECOVERY
by Judith Herman

This is considered one of the foundational texts for understanding trauma survivors. Although it was first published in the early 90s, it has remained relevant to clinicians and survivors alike.
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02
OVERCOMING TRAUMA THROUGH YOGA
By: David Emerson and Elizabeth Hopper

Yoga is an excellent way to reconnect with your body as you heal from your trauma. This book addresses how to find a trauma-sensitive yoga class and the benefits you’ll find in attending one.
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03
BODY KINDNESS
By: Rebecca Scritchfield

So many of us have issues with our bodies, and this book takes the time to address why we feel that way. While not specifically related to trauma, it falls in line with our 5 Strategies to Reclaim Hope and our focus on taking care of our bodies.
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04
FULL CATASTROPHE LIVING
By: Jon Kabat-Zinn

Kabat-Zinn is known for his insight into meditation and mindfulness. In this book he addresses the ways that stress can limit our lives – and how to overcome them.
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05
THE GIFTS OF IMPERFECTION
By: Brené Brown

Much of Brown’s work deals with vulnerability, bravery, and how to accept yourself as you truly are. Here she talks about how limiting the idea of perfection is and the breakthroughs that come through embracing our imperfection.
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06
GETTING PAST YOUR PAST
By: Francine Shapiro

As the creator of EMDR (Eye Movement and Desensitization Processing), Shapiro has created a way for survivors of trauma to understand EMDR and utilize it to find healing.
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07
TAPPING IN
By: Laurel Parnell

Another book on EMDR, this one shows you how to create your own self-guided program so that you can use EMDR yourself as one healing tool.
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08
THE SEXUAL HEALING JOURNEY
By: Wendy Maltz

This book was written specifically for survivors of sexual abuse and carries great insight into what you may be experiencing and how to help you to manage better when it comes to sexual relationships, identity, etc.
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09
THE ANATOMY OF PEACE:
By: The Arbinger Institute

The Arbinger Institute created this tome as a reference for how to handle conflict, find hope, and inspire reconciliation. This will help you view peace and forgiveness in a different way and find it for yourself.
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10
LOVINGKINDNESS
By: Sharon Salzberg

This book is all about happiness and ways we can find it for ourselves. Based on a Buddhist practice known as lovingkindness, this book will show you how to have more love and compassion for yourself – and others.
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11
JOURNEY TO THE HEART
By: Melody Beattie

With 365 meditations, this book has one for every day. Meditation can be a powerful tool on your healing journey, and this book makes it easier than ever to start meditating today.
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Whether you read one of these books above, one of the books we’ve recommended before, or find your own, equipping yourself with knowledge and understanding will benefit you. We encourage you to take charge of your own healing journey. Start today.

Please Note:
This post contains links to Amazon.com. As an Amazon affiliate, The Younique Foundation gets a small commission if you buy from these links that helps to support our cause at no extra cost to you.

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Survivors and Sexual Intimacy

If you’re involved in a relationship with a sexual abuse survivor, there might be moments when you don’t know exactly how you can be most helpful in her recovery. Uncertainty about how to help is especially likely to arise when it comes to the most intimate aspects of your relationship, like sexual activity. You want to have a healthy sexual relationship with your partner, a relationship that leads to well-being and continued healing, but what does this look like?

To help understand the survivor perspective, consider that, for a survivor, her initial sexual experiences happened when she was being threatened, coerced, or manipulated. She wasn’t in a situation where she was able to fully understand what was going on and give consent. Due to these negative experiences, sex and trauma can be strongly linked in her brain. This connection isn’t something a survivor can just forget about or disregard. A supportive partner can be a key part of healing. Here are some specific things you can do to foster a healthy sexual relationship:

Focus on Intimacy, Not Just Sex

Intimacy involves deeply knowing and trusting someone. Survivors often have difficulty trusting people, especially if the perpetrator of abuse was a trusted individual like a close friend or family member. Spend time building intimacy with your partner. Focus on both physical and emotional intimacy. Build physical intimacy through activities like holding hands, giving massages, or just sitting together to watch a movie. Emotional intimacy can come from genuine conversations about feelings, hopes, dreams, and worries. Strong physical and emotional intimacy can lead to a healthier and more satisfying sexual relationship for both partners.

Recognize That Sex Can Be a Trigger

A trigger is something that sparks a memory and reminds people of a traumatic event. Triggers can make a survivor experience a flashback where she feels like abuse is happening again. Unfortunately, sex can be a trigger for many survivors. If you notice that your partner is beginning to shut down or experience anxiety during sex, it could mean that she no longer feels safe. Maybe her triggers include certain positions, sexual acts, places, or smells that you should avoid. Recognize that sex is an activity you will need to approach with care and understanding.

Communicate

One of the keys to the success of your relationship is frequent and open communication. Discuss what is acceptable and what is off-limits when it comes to sex. Your goal here isn’t to explore past trauma in graphic detail. Your goal is to establish what will make her feel safe and comfortable. A survivor might feel like she’s ready for sexual intercourse but then changes her mind. If your partner ever says she wants to stop what you’re doing, then stop. Continuing to have sex will only damage your relationship and possibly make it more difficult to be intimate in the future.

Survivors need to build trust with their sexual partners and feel like they are in charge of their sexual experiences. Focus on ways that you can make sex a safe activity that will empower the survivor in your life and strengthen our sexuality to get healthy.

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5 Ways to Find Healing for Those Struggling After Attending The Haven Retreat

Many may not realize that six months after The Haven Retreat, we reach out to participants to see how they’re doing. We’ve found that while most feel that their life has improved, there’s a small number who don’t.

This blog is for you.

There could be a myriad of reasons why things haven’t improved. It may have been as simple as having a bad day when you filled out the survey, or it could be much more complex than that. Whatever it is, we hope that this blog can help you work through this and find yourself in a happier place.

With that in mind, here are five things that we think will help those of you struggling after The Haven Retreat:

01
PROFESSIONAL AND PERSONAL SUPPORT
Find a therapist you trust who can be a support for you. Start a support group. Create a support system of friends and family members who you can turn to when you need help. The women you went to retreat with can be a great source of encouragement when you’re down.
02
BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND OTHERS
Maybe there’s something you aren’t addressing, a roadblock on your healing journey. Perhaps there’s a relationship, a coping mechanism, or a way of thinking that is preventing you from moving forward.
03
SETBACKS CAN HAPPEN
Healing isn’t always a straight path forward. There are ups and downs, and sometimes the downs can be devastating. Don’t give up. Don’t let the downs derail your progress.
04
EMBRACE THE FAITH STRATEGY
One of the 5 Strategies to Reclaim Hope is Faith. It’s all about creating an amazing future for yourself. Sometimes you may not be able to do more than wish for something good to happen, but keep hold of that wish. Visualize the life that you want—even if you can only take one small step toward it today.
05
CHANGE ONE SMALL THING TODAY
Are you overwhelmed? Tired right down to your bones? Exhausted from fighting every day? We understand. So today don’t overwhelm yourself with goals – just pick one. If all you can do today is get out of bed and get dressed, that’s enough. Do what you can do and celebrate yourself for every single step you take.

Although you’re home from The Haven Retreat, we here at The Younique Foundation have not forgotten about you. We want to continue to help you on your healing journey. We want to lend our support. You are not alone.

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The Younique Foundation's 2016 Top 10 Blogs for Survivors

The Younique Foundation’s 2016 Top 10 Blogs for Survivors

The Younique Foundation had an amazing 2016. We were able to connect with so many survivors. Our blog is one of the key ways we do that. So here, in case you missed them, are our top 10 blogs for survivors.

  1. 5 Stages to Finding Healing explores how the five stages of grief are tied to the five stages of healing.
  2. The Relationship Between Addiction and Trauma discusses how childhood trauma can lead to addiction.
  3. Win the Fight Through Mindfulness explains how Mindfulness can help on your healing journey.
  4. The Effect Trauma Has on Your Brain explains how trauma can alter the way that your brain works.
  5. Your Brain and Trauma is another look at how trauma can literally change the way that your brain functions.
  6. The Forgotten Survivor is a guest blog written by The Younique Foundation’s Executive Director, Chris Yadon.
  7. I Get Triggered and That is Okay is a guest blog written by The Younique Foundation’s Image Coordinator, Annie Vandermyde.
  8. 8 Healing Books for Sexual Abuse Survivors is a list of books that any survivor can benefit from reading.
  9. Yoga: A Way to Find Healing for Trauma Survivors explains the great benefits that trauma-sensitive yoga can have on a survivor. It also includes a video that you can watch and try at home.
  10. The 5 Strategies to Reclaim Hope after Trauma gives a definition of each of our 5 Strategies to Reclaim Hope.

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