March 16, 2017

Forward Was The Only Direction To Go

“I had decided I had to quit looking in the review mirror and face it head on.”

-Rebecca, Survivor-

I had applied to The Haven Retreat in March of 2015, thinking that it would take a while for them to review and approve my application. I heard back from them within 1 month, I was stunned and got really nervous that it came up in short notice.

But I couldn’t go at that time. So reapplied in August 2016 and heard back from them, and I made arrangements to go in January 2017. I had decided I had to quit looking in the review mirror and face it head on. Of course my feelings started to rise back up, the skeleton started to come out after 28 years of being in the closet.

I am a mother of 4 children, 2 handsome sons and 2 beautiful daughters. A grandmother of 3 handsome boys and one Diva granddaughter. I was sexually assaulted at the age of 7 and 8 years old. Then when I was 13 years old I was raped. I was also a victim of verbal and physical abuse for 5 years. I would pray that one-day God would give me the strength to get out.

I had very low self-esteem of myself. I finally decided that I needed to curl-up and die or get up and fight. I made the decision to fight, and make a better life for my 3 children. Because this was not the life I wanted for me or for them to see.

I knew then that I could only cry out to my God to give me the strength, wisdom, knowledge & understanding on how to be the best single mom I could be to protect my children from harm and give them a better life than I had.

My favorite scripture is Philippians 3:14 “I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God”. So every time I get discouraged or feel like I couldn’t go on, or I am not good enough. I just refresh my memory of this scripture. Know that God holds the key to my future and my children’s future. I know that what I went through was not right and I didn’t deserve it but because of it I am the Woman I am today. It only made me stronger and better not bitter.

I am thankful for the The Haven Retreat. It made me realize that it’s okay to talk about it, to get counseling if needed.

-Rebecca, Survivor