Why do we compare ourselves to others? Whether it’s human nature or a product of the societies we live in, we all have a tendency to look at others and see how we match up. And, no matter the reality, we usually find ourselves wanting.

At The Younique Foundation, we think you shouldn’t compare yourself to anyone but yourself. As you work to heal from the trauma of your past, it won’t serve you in any way to compare your struggles with someone else’s strengths.

Instead, take time to look at who you were yesterday or last month or last year. Are you a stronger and more empowered person now than you were then? Of course, it’s easier to compare yourself to someone else rather than see your own progress. Here are five ways to break that comparison habit and focus on YOU:

1. Look past the “perfection.”

If someone is doing something that gives you that twinge of jealousy, then get to the root of your feelings. Do you wish you had more time for that specific thing? More resources? Try to create a goal for YOURSELF when you answer probing questions about why you’re jealous.

2. Don’t compare their highlight reel to your behind-the-scenes.

Don’t compare their best feature to your worst. It isn’t fair to anyone. Not only will it accomplish nothing, but also it will make you feel bad.

3. Spend some time focusing inward.

What do YOU want? What’s one step you can take today to get you closer to that goal? Take time to really get to know yourself and see what you’re lacking in your current life or what you’re enjoying and want to spend more time on.

4. A compliment to someone else is not an insult to you.

There are times when someone close to you will effusively compliment someone else. They may even compliment them on something that you feel is one of your strengths. Remind yourself that someone else being good at the same thing in no way diminishes your talent, beauty, or ability. There’s enough room for all of us.

5. Insulting someone doesn’t make you better.

The other side of this is when you see someone and judge them harshly. This may be unconscious, or it may be because you’re having a bad day, or any number of other reasons. No matter what, you need to pause and realize that tearing them down will not build you up. Try to temper those types of thoughts and give everyone the benefit of being a work in progress.

It can be common for survivors of childhood sexual abuse to compare themselves to others. But comparing only hinders your growth and gets you stuck in a negative mindset. The trauma of your past doesn’t need to define your present or your future. Take time to be a better YOU and empower others to be a better THEM.

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