The Weight of My Abuse Was Crushing Me

The weight of my abuse and all things related had grown to crush me. I was not living. I was simply surviving. I had nothing left of myself. I heard about The Haven Retreat from a friend who was also a survivor. One year later I finally rounded the courage to apply.

Freaking out is an understatement when describing how I felt on my journey to Utah. Alone. In the middle of nowhere with no familiarity, not knowing anyone, and about to embark on the single hardest adventure of my life. Yeah. I was freaking out.

Single-handedly the best decision I’d ever made.

Not only did I meet some of the most amazing women I know, but I had my breaking moment there. Since I finally broke, I could finally begin to heal (kintsugi). In one of our classes one learning point came about “Secrets breed shame.” Lightning cracked through me. I’d shattered. You see I’d vowed never to tell my mother of my abuse, because I knew that my SECRET would kill her. Keeping this secret for all these years was breeding all the shame that had suffocated me so.

The Haven Retreat and all I gained from it gave me the knowledge and the courage I needed to release my demon and share my secret. The release. The freedom. The liberation that came after disclosing my trauma to my mother is unlike anything I’ve ever known. I have cleared all the dead and dying and have been able to make room to cultivate life and living within myself.

You are not alone, and this is where your story changes.

-Tara, Survivor