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Letters from Foundation President and Executive Director

Letter from Board Chair and President

 

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One of the things I feel the most joy from in this work is hearing from past participants who are using the techniques they have learned at our retreats. I love when they share specific examples of using skills to manage their triggers. For example, I often hear about participants using mindful breathing techniques to ground themselves through difficult moments. It gives me a great sense of satisfaction to know that our work continues to help them long after they leave retreat. I also love knowing that we are helping to continue the dialogue to protect children against sexual abuse.  Every time I hear about a parent engaging in conversation with their child on the topic of sexual health, I feel even more determined to further this work.

At The Younique Foundation, we work to inspire hope in women who were sexually abused as children or adolescents by hosting them at a retreat, where they are uplifted by each other and learn skills that can help them find individual healing. In addition, we educate parents and empower them to protect their children from sexual abuse while leading a public dialogue to bring the epidemic of abuse to light.  For truly it is an epidemic.

In 2015, we hosted 103 women over 11 different retreats.  We held hundreds of outpatient therapy sessions.  We reached over 12 million people via social media, and we launched our education programs. What is truly remarkable is this all happened in the second half of 2015.

We have big plans for 2016.  We will host 720 women at our retreats.  We will provide thousands of outpatient therapy sessions.  Our education will reach thousands of parents and caregivers, and social initiatives will impact millions.

To say that we are grateful for the outpouring of support we have received is a tremendous understatement.  This work is so important and couldn’t be done without the help we receive through donors. We will continue to do all in our power to never let this discussion fade, ever.  Each and every voice that joins ours is a voice we are thankful for.

With Humility,

Shelaine Maxfield: Board Chair and President

 

Letter from Executive Director

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To Our Kind Supporters,

This last year was an amazing ride, and January 19th, 2015, will long be a day of significance in my life.  It was my first day as the first employee of The Younique Foundation.  I walked into an amazing vision, and I was given resources to make it happen.  Coming in, I knew how to build organizations, and I knew that building always starts with surrounding yourself with great people.  We were amazingly blessed with 12 talented, dedicated people ready to bring healing, education, and awareness to the world.

So what did we do in our first year?  We wrote a book, a workbook, launched two brands, launched six social media channels, hosted over 100 women at retreats, hosted hundreds of session of outpatient therapy, reached over 12 million through our messaging, raised hundreds of thousands of dollars, and prepared to exponentially grow all of our services in 2016.

So what’s to come in 2016?  We will host over 700 women at retreats, host thousands of sessions of outpatient therapy, reach millions through social media, educate thousands of parents and caregivers, augment our web and social channels with online education and therapeutic resources, and grow our staff to 33.

I am extremely grateful for your kind donations and your tremendous voice.  I consider myself a steward over your giving and will ensure that all of our resources are used wisely.

With Gratitude,

Chris Yadon: Executive Director

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Gaining Power Through Surrender

When memories or triggers crash in on you there are three choices on how to respond. You can, 1) run away from them, 2) fight them, or 3) simply acknowledge them and let them be through the Power of Surrender. Only one choice has proven to be effective in the long run. That is to acknowledge memories and triggers as they come and choose to let them be.

It might seem counter-intuitive that surrendering is the key to taking back your life after trauma. But as you use the concept of surrender, you’ll learn to understand when and what to fight. It all begins with permission.

There are two main parts of the brain that are critical for survivors of childhood sexual abuse to understand to overcome their trauma. The first part is the limbic system, the unconscious part of the brain. The limbic system controls our survival needs as well as our physical desires. This instinctive part of the brain can exert a powerful influence on a person’s behavior due to triggers and cravings. However, it can’t force you into behaviors.

The limbic system can’t move your arms, legs, hands, or feet. That part belongs to the frontal lobe. The frontal lobe is the conscious part of the brain that helps you reason and think through emotions. For us to act on triggering thoughts, our frontal lobe must give permission to the limbic system.

Consider this example:

Sarah has been dealing with triggers due to her childhood sexual abuse for quite some time. When she sees something or someone that reminds her of her trauma, her limbic system screams at her to run away from the triggering thought by eating some type of food to help relieve the pain and help her escape from reality. While the limbic system is screaming, the frontal lobe, in the midst of chaos, decides to give the limbic system the permission it needs to keep Sarah safe. Sarah then eats the candy bar, thus creating a cycle that perpetuates the trauma without finding true healing.

But what if Sarah did this exercise instead? She sees something or someone that reminds her of her trauma. Her limbic system screams at her to run away from the triggering thought by eating. However, Sarah, using her frontal lobe, takes a step back and becomes aware of her surroundings, acknowledges the limbic system’s wants and fears, and says this:

“Oh, that’s my limbic system trying to take care of me by avoiding reality because my reality is causing me some pain right now. My limbic system wants a candy bar and why wouldn’t IT? IT’s just doing what it was meant to do. I don’t need to be angry or frustrated with IT. I’ll just let the limbic system be and do nothing with the thought and craving.”

She then sits with the feeling for a few minutes, and the thought eases up. Through this exercise, she was able to give more power to her frontal lobe and not give permission to her limbic system. In turn, Sarah can find some peace and healing through surrender by letting IT be.

As you use the concept of surrender, you’ll learn to understand when and what to fight.

A person facing disturbing memories of the past must remain aware that trying to crush, kill, destroy, and run away from unwanted thoughts tends to make the thoughts stronger because they are coming from the unconscious. You cannot reason with that part of the brain.

By gently acknowledging the thoughts and learning to let them be, those thoughts will dissipate faster than any other method. Letting them be is completely different than giving the thoughts your full attention or denying them.

You might ask, “How am I supposed to surrender to these thoughts without letting them take over?” The paradox is that when you learn to acknowledge these thoughts peacefully, they tend to lose their power because you’re not fighting them. Such thoughts are simply treated as events to be experienced as part of being human.

Think back to Sarah’s example. She was able to find healing by gently acknowledging the triggering thought and letting it be. She didn’t act on it, and she didn’t give permission to her limbic system to take over. She just let the thought be.

Power is gained from surrendering and accepting that triggering thoughts are not bad. Every time a trigger hits, all you need to do is become aware of your surroundings, acknowledge your feelings and thoughts, then let them be. The more you practice this strategy, the more likely you’ll be able to find the healing you desperately want.

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5 Tips on How You Can Respond When a Survivor Breaks the Silence

While it will be difficult to hear that someone you love has been abused, the thing to remember is that healing is possible.

Breaking the silence about their abuse can be one of the hardest things a survivor of childhood sexual abuse does. Even if it has been years since the abuse occurred, it is emotional, sensitive, and courageous to let someone else know about it.
It can also be difficult for the family member or friend who is receiving the news. Family members and friends have deep feelings of love and care for survivors, but many don’t know the best ways to support a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Hearing that a friend or family member was treated in such a horrible way can be very challenging. It might come as a shock, and most likely a flood of emotions will accompany the news.
So how can friends and family members respond appropriately? To help, here are five tips on how to respond (and not react) to your loved one when he or she breaks the silence of abuse:

01
Believe Them
One of the greatest fears a survivor has when they speak about their abuse is that no one will believe them when they break the silence. Your opportunity as a supporter is to believe them and show confidence in them.
02
Listen
It is natural to want to ask a lot of questions about the abuse, but to the survivor that can be intrusive. Before you ask, listen. You don’t need to speak to be there for someone. To many survivors, just telling someone they trust about their abuse will lessen the weight of isolation, self-blame, and secrecy. Listen without interrupting. Listening without being judgmental can be the greatest support you can give to your loved one.
03
Validate
Reaffirm your love for the survivor, and reiterate that your love will never change. Let them know they are valuable and important. Re-emphasize that they matter. Make sure that your loved one knows that you are there for them and will be there at their side. Many times survivors carry around the belief that they are to blame for their abuse. Reaffirm to them that this was not their fault. Make sure they know that you don’t see them differently because of their past. Reassure them of this often.
04
Help Explore Options
Helping your loved one know their options on how to proceed on the path to healing can be helpful to a survivor. Work alongside them as they try to find professional services that can help them overcome the trauma. Knowing that they are not alone in this process can make a big difference in a survivor’s healing journey.
05
Take Care of Yourself
You are also affected by this abuse. Even though the abuse did not happen to you, knowing that it happened to someone you love will impact your life. Make sure you assess your feelings and remember to care for yourself. It isn’t possible to be your best self in your supportive role if you are too tired to listen with compassion or overfilled with emotions. After every conversation, make sure you do a healthy activity to re-center yourself. This can include going for a walk outdoors, doing yoga, or taking a jog around the neighborhood. Taking care of yourself along the journey will help your loved one too as you both work to find peace.

While it will be difficult to hear that someone you love has been abused, the thing to remember is that healing is possible. With support and love from you and others, your loved one can overcome the trauma and find peace.

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Your gift can support survivors and help them Reclaim Hope.