Natalya, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat and is more understanding of herself.

I Came Out Smarter and More Understanding of Me

I thought I faced my abuse. I thought it was something that happened and I healed from it and went on with my life.

Applying for Saprea Retreat was the hardest first step. I didn’t know why I felt the need to go and experience it. “I thought you were over this? I thought you were healed from this? Why are you even applying? Let another woman go.” These were the constant thoughts I had while applying.

Once I was accepted the fear of going hit. I made every excuse to not go. Family, finances, the list went on.

Once I got there my anxiety was so high I couldn’t breathe. “What am I doing here?” I thought.

Once the days went on I realized I DID need this! I realized I had so much to learn about myself and what I went through in my life. I FINALLY felt normal and not ashamed of my triggers, understanding what triggers were. Learning how to take care of ME! Learning that I am strong, beautiful and BRAVE!

I met lifelong friends and sisters. The relationships I built at the retreat have helped on this new healing experience I am on.

The dedication Saprea puts into helping victims is truly AMAZING! Finding a place that understands and truly knows what you feel and deal with without making you feel abnormal or ashamed of yourself; to be relieved that others around you think and feel just like you for once, was such a refreshing feeling.

I came out smarter, more understanding of me, and the knowledge I need to heal myself correctly. A friend told me “We had a broken bone that healed wrong, the retreat broke that bone again and now showed us how to heal it correctly.”

This retreat changed my life and I am so glad I didn’t allow my fears to stop me from attending.

-Natalya, Survivor

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Brandy, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat and found freedom in her voice.

I Found Freedom in My Voice

For over 20 years of my life, I felt as if verbalizing my assaults would give them life; hearing my own voice speak about them would make them all the more real. I never knew how wrong I was. I found freedom in my voice, within my fellow survivors, within each new day. I did not come this far…to simply come this far. I may not know those of you reading this, but I KNOW you, you are not alone. You are worthy. You are HERE. Let your journey begin, as mine has…for it is GLORIOUS.

-Brandy, Survivor

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April, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat because she felt like a prisoner in her own body.

I Was a Prisoner in My Own Body

I was broken, lost, not knowing who I was or what I wanted to be. I was a prisoner in my own body walking hopelessly every day. I let what happened to me as a child, teenager, define who I was. I suffered in silence and never told a soul the torture that became who I was. My husband was one, with patience and love he chipped away the walls that were built. Piece by piece he led me to the path that would forever be my Home.

I had three miscarriages back to back. I was told my pain and stress could be triggering an imbalance. And needed to seek a therapist. The last miscarriage was four days before my visit to the Saprea Retreat. I didn’t want to go, I wanted to fall into the abyss of my depression.

I wanted to turn around at the terminal, but I kept hearing my inner voice say, “Go Be Free.” I found a new family, a loving family, a nonjudgmental family, a safe haven. I shared my story and the walls came crumbling down, and I was set free. Finding myself was my struggle, the struggle of Why me? But day after day I am Free! Free to be me, free of worry, and peace with who I am. That would have never happened without the love and support of Saprea.

Being free doesn’t give you limits, you become limitless.

-April, Survivor

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Lindsay, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat and found joy.

Life, Joy, and Abundance On the Other Side

I grew up being told I was crazy and that I made up things, so I believed it and felt like I couldn’t trust my own memories. I realized at age 11 that I wanted to die, and I didn’t think I even had the ability to live a normal life. I hated myself and my body, and started a lifelong battle against eating disorders, self-harm, depression, and chemical abuse. I did anything to numb and keep the pain buried away.

Thankfully, my life was saved when I attended a spiritual recovery program. I am forever grateful for how that helped me to spiritually heal. I was a different, and freer person because of it. After that program, my repressed memories from my childhood sexual abuse came on stronger and more often than ever before, and I wasn’t sure how else to help myself.

I loved life and was doing better than ever before, and yet my mind and body were in a constant fight from things that were still unresolved from the abuse. It brought back so much of the fear and anxiety, and PTSD symptoms. I continued to feel disconnected from myself.

I started counseling and EMDR, and my therapist told me about Saprea Retreat. I was hesitant that 4 days could make a difference with all the recovery I had done already – but I am so glad I went. The retreat was the catalyst for me to start attending a trauma-sensitive yoga class, and with the combined efforts of the yoga and counseling, I am fully free.

My body and mind no longer feel disconnected. I am on the other side of the abuse. I’m not a victim and it no longer controls my present or future. I’m grateful for everyone and everything that has been a part of my healing journey. It took time and patience to be where I’m at now, and I’m glad I didn’t give up in the most hopeless of moments. There has been such life and joy and abundance on the other side. Never give up, and never stop reaching out for the help you need.

-Lindsay, Survivor

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Joy, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat and knows where she wants to go.

I Am Clear on the Direction I Want to Go

I started therapy about 2 ½ years ago for a sexual assault that happened in college. For years I had struggled with anxiety, panic attacks, depression and flashbacks. Immediately after my first appointment, which was just an initial assessment, I started having flashbacks of events from my childhood. I didn’t want to go there. I had pushed those thoughts back so long ago, I had forgotten them.

Two weeks later, I met with the therapist I had been assigned. It was terrifying, but she made me feel comfortable and safe. Eventually I worked up the courage to tell her about the things that happened to me as a child. It took a long time to get my full story out about how as a child I had been repeatedly sexually abused by a neighbor. My therapist helped me through a lot of things and taught me so much. I learned that PTSD wasn’t something that just veterans get. I learned how to deal with my flashbacks, anxiety, depression and many other things.

My husband was loving, patient and supportive. My parents, though struggling with their own feelings of guilt (wishing they had known), were also very supportive. I had a couple of friends I eventually opened up to and shared my story. Even with all this support, I felt very alone in my journey.

Then I came across an article on Facebook about the Saprea Retreat for childhood sexual abuse survivors. I had seen something about it about a year before, but passed by it with little interest. This time was different somehow. I felt more ready for something like that. I was struggling with a desire to find my voice – I wanted to find a way to reach out with my story in a way that might help others. I decided to apply for the Saprea Retreat and attended a few months later.

It was an amazing experience! I gained so much. There were many wonderful things I gained from going, but the two most important rewards for me were: 1) Coming away with a bond to seven other women who understand my challenges; I don’t feel alone in my journey anymore, and 2) Understanding how the trauma affected my brain and how the effects from my abuse aren’t signs that I am weird or crazy, but normal reactions to someone who has been through the trauma I have.

I am grateful for all those who have been there for me, for all the love and support I felt by those at the Saprea Retreat, and for my survivor sisters. I am excited about my life ahead. I am clear on the direction I want to go. I may have been broken, but I am rebuilding myself stronger and know I can do great things. I hope that if there is anyone who has been through sexual abuse, that they might hear my story and will be less afraid to reach out for help and reclaim the hope that is theirs.

-Joy, Survivor

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