During October, you maybe saw someone you know and care about post #MeToo on social media. You probably asked yourself what you could do next.

Or maybe you were one of the brave survivors who said #MeToo. Perhaps this gave you a sense of freedom and power creating a want to reclaim your life after abuse.

With every breaking news story of another powerful person being called out for sexual abuse, harassment, or assault, the need to do something builds, and it is reaching a tipping point.

#MeToo started the conversation, but what is next? What do we do now, knowing that sexual abuse is rampant in our society? How can a survivor reclaim hope after abuse?

Below are a couple of things you can start today whether you are a survivor, a loved one of a survivor, or just someone who wants to make a difference.

For Survivors

For Supporters

Be The Difference

Whether you’re a survivor, supporter, or concerned citizen, thank you for what you do to help in the fight against childhood sexual abuse. We can’t make progress without you.

Think of the last time you took a long road trip. There were probably moments when everything went smoothly. You were on the freeway with a clear sky and an open road, zooming toward your destination. Chances are, there were moments that were less than ideal, too. Maybe it started to rain and you couldn’t see as far as you wanted to. Maybe you spent some time sitting in traffic totally stopped. You knew you would ultimately make it to your destination, but it didn’t feel like you were making much progress as you sat in the traffic jam.

We often refer to healing as a journey, and your journey might feel like a road trip. There are moments when everything is going well and you feel like you’re making good progress toward your goals. But there might be times when you feel like your progress has come to a stop. You just aren’t moving forward the way you want to. You’re sitting in gridlock rather than driving down the road. What can you do if you feel like your healing isn’t progressing the way you want it to? Below are three things you can try:

It can be overwhelming to feel like you’re not progressing. Find comfort in the fact that discomfort is a normal part of the healing journey. Just as you expect some traffic and potholes when you drive, you should expect some moments of frustration on your road to recovery. Use these moments to reflect. Remember that you don’t have to resolve everything right now. Just try to find one specific thing you can do today to help yourself on your healing journey.

Many may not realize that six months after The Haven Retreat, we reach out to participants to see how they’re doing. We’ve found that while most feel that their life has improved, there’s a small number who don’t.

This blog is for you.

There could be a myriad of reasons why things haven’t improved. It may have been as simple as having a bad day when you filled out the survey, or it could be much more complex than that. Whatever it is, we hope that this blog can help you work through this and find yourself in a happier place.

With that in mind, here are five things that we think will help those of you struggling after The Haven Retreat:

Although you’re home from The Haven Retreat, we here at The Younique Foundation have not forgotten about you. We want to continue to help you on your healing journey. We want to lend our support. You are not alone.

If someone close to you is a survivor of sexual abuse, it can be hard to know exactly how to lend your support. While it’s true that survivors have to take ownership of their recovery, you can do a lot to help. You can’t do the healing for them, but there are things you can do to make it easier for them to heal themselves.

In addition to the trauma that survivors can suffer when abuse initially happens, survivors also risk suffering new trauma when they disclose their past experiences if loved ones don’t respond in helpful and healthy ways. Gurvinder Kalra and Dinesh Bhugra point out, “Victims of sexual violence face the danger of suffering negative reactions upon disclosing their trauma.”

When a survivor opens up to you about what has happened to them, acknowledge how much courage it takes to talk about past traumatic experiences. Survivors have often kept their abuse to themselves for years. To them, it might seem easier to stay silent. Let the survivor know that you appreciate their bravery in facing memories and issues that might have happened years ago. Here are some specific things you can do to support your loved one.

Do . . .

• Thank them for telling you.
• Reassure them that you are there for them.
• Validate their feelings.
• Ask what you can do to help or support them.
• Let them know that the abuse was not their fault.

Don’t . . .

• Criticize, blame, shame, or judge them.
• Excuse or minimize the abuse.
• Demand to know details of the abuse; they’ll tell you if or when they’re ready.
• Take control and tell them what they needs to do to heal.
• Tell them to forget about it or just get over it.
• Question why they didn’t tell you (or someone else) sooner.

Remember that sexual abuse can create serious problems with trust for survivors because in most situations, perpetrators are people the survivor knew and trusted. The fact that they are willing to open up to you shows that they trusts you. Work to continue to build and maintain that trust.

Your goal is to empower your loved one to make good choices that will lead to healing from past abuse. You can’t heal for them, but you can make the healing process easier.

The Younique Foundation had an amazing 2016. We were able to connect with so many survivors. Our blog is one of the key ways we do that. So here, in case you missed them, are our top 10 blogs for survivors.

1. 5 Stages to Finding Healing explores how the five stages of grief are tied to the five stages of healing.
2. The Relationship Between Addiction and Trauma discusses how childhood trauma can lead to addiction.
3. Win the Fight Through Mindfulness explains how Mindfulness can help on your healing journey.
4. The Effect Trauma Has on Your Brain explains how trauma can alter the way that your brain works.
5. Your Brain and Trauma is another look at how trauma can literally change the way that your brain functions.
6. The Forgotten Survivor is a guest blog written by The Younique Foundation’s Executive Director, Chris Yadon.
7. I Get Triggered and That is Okay is a guest blog written by The Younique Foundation’s Image Coordinator, Annie Vandermyde.
8. 8 Healing Books for Sexual Abuse Survivors is a list of books that any survivor can benefit from reading.
9. Yoga: A Way to Find Healing for Trauma Survivors explains the great benefits that trauma-sensitive yoga can have on a survivor. It also includes a video that you can watch and try at home.
10. The 5 Strategies to Reclaim Hope after Trauma gives a definition of each of our 5 Strategies to Reclaim Hope.

Awareness, one of the Five Strategies to Reclaim Hope, means being grounded in the present moment. So what does that mean to a trauma survivor with an addiction?

There are two types of pain in recovery work – the pain of self-mastery or the pain of regret. You have to choose, moment by moment and day by day, which pain you want to experience. It’s as simple and as hard as that. The pain of regret, like when you’ve relapsed into your addictive behaviors, is uncomfortable and debilitating. It’s reactionary. The pain of self-mastery, in contrast, is a refining and advancing type of pain. It’s proactive. It’s the type of pain, like sore muscles, that leads to greater strength.

Awareness can help you choose the right type of pain. If you are grounded in the present moment, not depressed about the past or anxious about the future, you can make the choice more easily to choose self-mastery.

Slowing down is an important part of Awareness. If you get too caught up in rushing around from one thing to the next, how can you enjoy the present? Life will be exhausting if you’re always moving with no destination in sight. With Awareness, you can focus on one step in front of the other to reach the goal that you’re seeking – freedom from addiction.

How can you use Awareness in your everyday life?
When you feel yourself wanting the thing that you’re addicted to, be it food, drugs, alcohol, etc., stop and recognize the emotions behind it. Take a few centering breaths to fully ground yourself in the now. Realize that you have a choice to make. You may not always make the right choice, but after becoming centered firmly in the moment it will become easier and easier.

Many trauma survivors turn to their particular addiction to dull the suffering they feel. They use it to resist or try to change their reality. Suffering can’t be dismissed or ignored. It’s real and it’s difficult. But, generally speaking, they’re treating their symptoms and not the root cause – the trauma they experienced as a child. Running from the past or hiding from the future will not help.

Instead, become fully grounded in the present moment, seek a therapist that you trust, and give yourself the choice, moment by moment and day by day, which pain you want to experience. The pain of growth or the pain of regret?