Danielle, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat and had needed it for a long time.

This Was Something I Have Needed for a Long Time

When I came to the Saprea Retreat, I was terrified. I didn’t know what to expect. I was worried about my kids and my husband at home. What would they do without me? But when I started learning more about my trauma and how to cope, and that I am not alone, I realized this was something I have needed for a long time.

Not only did I come out of this experience stronger than ever before. I gained sisters, a family that I will never forget. And I have learned how important it is to put myself first sometimes. Letting go of my past, and forgiving, so I can move on.

-Danielle, Survivor

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Martha, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat and realized that she had been numb much of her life.

I Was Numb for Much of My Life

I thought that I had gotten over the abuse because I became so good at suppressing the feelings that came along with it. It took a big health crisis for me to also pay attention to the emotional crisis I had been silently dealing with for 20 years. The Saprea Retreat and the continued support from Saprea helped me to realize that I could live life and not just go through life.

I was not enjoying and recognizing the vast range of emotions that we as human beings are entitled to. I was numb for much of my life. I am the face of 1 in 4. I will do everything in my power to help others find the help they need.

-Martha, Survivor

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Heather, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat and found that sharing her story is the must vulnerable thing she has ever done.

Sharing My Story Is the Most Vulnerable Thing I Have Ever Done

I have survived so much, including attempts on my life, yet sharing my story is perhaps the most frightening and vulnerable thing I have ever done. I was told to protect the family secret at all costs, that to speak up would mean losing my family, my roots, and my life. Attending the Saprea Retreat 11 months ago gave me a new family of strong survivor sisters. I learned to ground myself and to reconnect to my roots, to honor my own survival skills and resilience as proof of hope and faith at work in my life.

By sharing my story, I am finally free of my past and my family’s chains of shame. I forgive, let go, and move on. By forgiving I am freeing myself to be fully present and to allow hope to fill those empty spaces so I may continue to thrive.

Spending a few days in luxury at the Saprea Retreat, I learned I deserve indoor plumbing, good healthy food, friends, and a supportive family of my choice.

Thank you for giving me the tools to find my own roots and wings and voice. The healing effect continues long after our short time at the Saprea Retreat. Thank you for giving me a space to share my story without judgement. Thank you, Saprea and survivor sisters for being here for me. I am forever grateful.

-Heather, Survivor

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Kenzie, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat because she felt alone.

I Was Living Life as If I Were Alone in a Crowded Room

Before attending the Saprea Retreat, I was living life as if I were alone in a crowded room. I have family and friends who love and support me dearly, but no one really knew what I had been through. No one could look me in the eye and understand the darkness, the shame, and the unbearable pain of what I was going through from the sexual abuse I experienced.

I learned a lot of valuable information and skills that have helped me understand my reaction, reconnect with my body, and cope with my past. Nothing prepared me for the overwhelming love, support, and connections I made from the other women who were brave enough and willing to be vulnerable with me. These women stood beside me, cried with me, laughed with me, and shared with me their beauty and helped me start to see mine. I am forever grateful to them and the staff at the Saprea Retreat.

I’m now taking the time to get to know myself again, more fully than ever before. I’m discovering that who I’ve wanted to be is who I am, it’s who I’ve always been. It was never stolen from me but lost deep inside and I’m beginning to search for it. For years, I have been silenced by my past, from the pain and shame of what I had experienced. I will no longer silence myself. I have a voice, and I have discovered the power of using it. There is strength when you discover that your story doesn’t have a horrific ending. I’m not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become. I choose to be a Survivor!

-Kenzie, Survivor

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Sarah, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat and is the brightest shining star in the darkness.

I’m the Brightest Shining Star in the Darkness

I sit here looking and thinking of how Saprea Retreat helped me. Thinking of what to say. The problem is not that I cannot think of anything. It’s that there are so many and some I can’t even explain. I have RECLAIMED HOPE!

I don’t feel like a lost cause or that I am not enough. I am enough, and I am something. I matter to my family and to God. I’m so grateful to Saprea for saving my life. I’m not just a lost lonely soul passing through. I’m so much more. I have hope to become more. More for myself. More for my family. More for other women that need help. I feel like so much was taken away from me. Now my wings are restored and I’m ready to fly. Thank you for showing me that I’m the brightest shining star in the darkness.

-Sarah, Survivor

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Amanda, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat and it was life-changing.

This Is Not Just a Retreat, This Is Life-Changing

In November 2016, I received an email with a link about the Saprea Retreat. I looked at it and thought wow I’d love to attend, but why would they accept me. I’m from Ireland. The friend that sent the link told me to apply, so I did.

Four months later I found myself sitting on a plane heading to Salt Lake City. When I got to the retreat, I was amazed by the beauty that surrounded me. That beauty was from the location, the house, and the other 23 women. I immediately had a connection and felt very at ease. The staff were all amazing.

The education and support we received was excellent. This is not just a retreat, this is life-changing. After the four days, I left the retreat a different woman. I had made lifelong friendships. I had strength and courage that I never knew I had. I could never thank Saprea enough for accepting me and giving me this life-changing experience.

If you are like me and you don’t live in America it’s fine, you will be accepted with open arms, so make that trip it will be the best journey you will ever take in your life.

-Amanda, Survivor

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A woman looking down with a depressed facial expression

Why You Should Make Emotional Health a Priority

Being honest about how we feel does not make us weak– it makes us human.Sangu Delle

What struggles have you faced when it comes to making emotional health a priority? In his powerful TED talk about taking care of his mental health, Sangu Delle talks about a time in his life when he struggled with depression and anxiety. He had just moved to the United States from Ghana to attend boarding school, and he had lost seven loved ones in a single month. Imagine the emotions you might feel in a similar situation. As he struggled, he says, “I felt a profound sense of shame. I felt the weight of stigma.” He comments that others would say, “People have real problems, Sangu. Get over yourself!” Delle says that too often people with mental health issues “suffer in solitude, silenced by stigma.”

Sexual Abuse and Mental Health

Many sexual abuse survivors face long-term battles with depression and anxiety, and they often don’t get the help they need because they feel ashamed. They feel like they can’t go to others for support. If you’ve experienced these feelings, you’re not alone. According to the Huffington Post, “Nearly one in five American adults will experience a mental health disorder in a given year. Yet only 25 percent of people with a psychological condition feel that others are understanding or compassionate about their illness.”

Make Mental Health a Priority

As you work to heal, make your mental health a priority. Too often we don’t give our minds and emotions the attention that they deserve. Psychologist Guy Winch points out that if there is something wrong with our physical bodies, we’re quick to get help, but we don’t do the same thing for our minds. Winch says that the response to mental health concerns often sounds something like this: “Oh, you’re feeling depressed? Just shake it off; it’s all in your head.” But he comments, “Can you imagine saying that to somebody with a broken leg: ‘Oh, just walk it off; it’s all in your leg.’” Our minds deserve the same compassion and attention that our bodies do.

Experiencing emotional turmoil in your life doesn’t mean you’re weak, flawed, and can’t heal; it means you’re human. Don’t let others make you feel like there’s something wrong with you. Be generous in the way you think about yourself, and be as concerned about your emotional well-being as you would be about your physical health.

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Misty, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat and it changed her life.

Saprea Retreat Changed My Life

Saprea Retreat changed my life. I knew I needed help. I felt like I was so beyond damaged that there was no escaping the daily torture and despair. I found my chance. I found it in Utah. I understand myself.

Before, I didn’t even know where to start.  I am not afraid any longer.  I am strong. I can get better, and I strive every day. I gained a circle of friends that I will have forever. Now I can see the world through different eyes and I can face life. Thank you for every moment- every memory and every bit of HOPE that Saprea put into my heart. Change starts with me, and I found that change in Utah. I am forever in debt.

-Misty, Survivor

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A woman sitting on the sand near the sea looking something on her left

The Myth of Survivors Abusing Others

Many true things frighten people, and lying about them doesn’t help. Anna C. Salter

One of the most pervasive myths surrounding child sexual abuse is that all perpetrators were once abused themselves. This myth is repeated because it helps make sense of something incredibly difficult to understand. The evidence, however, doesn’t fall in line with this perception.

Less than 10 percent of men and 1 percent of women who are sexually abused as children will go on to perpetrate.1 This means that survivors turning into perpetrators is a lot less pervasive than most people believe. This is one belief that can do actual damage, however. It can lead to abuse survivors believing that they may become perpetrators. It is also an easy excuse for abusers—whether they were abused or not—because it may make their actions more understandable and often leads people to be more sympathetic toward them. Even if they weren’t abused, lying to say they were may lead to more lenient treatment.

The truth is that no one knows why people commit child sexual abuse, though research continues and theories abound. The idea that abuse is always cyclical makes it feel true that someone must have been abused in order to do such horrible things. In all honesty, we just don’t know all the whys.

It seems a cruel trick that people will readily believe a convicted perpetrator was abused as a child, but they won’t believe the child that tells them they are being abused. One makes us think the world is a more orderly place than it is; the other makes us realize our world is not as safe as we thought. We sometimes choose to believe or disbelieve to make ourselves feel better.

Relying on facts, truths, and statistics is important to get a clear picture of the epidemic of child sexual abuse in our country and around the world. Believing things simply because they are easier or “make sense” to us is not always accurate or helpful.

In this case, when you believe that every perpetrator (or even most) are survivors of childhood sexual abuse, then you make all survivors feel a twinge of fear that they will someday abuse someone else. This is both unfair and inaccurate. Don’t add to their trauma by implying that they are something they aren’t.

Anna C. Salter says, “No one has all the answers about how to stop [perpetrators], nor even why all of them do what they do. But at least we should have the decency as people to stop making excuses for them.”1

References:
1. Salter, Anna C. (2004). Predators: Pedophiles, Rapists, and Other Sex Offenders. New York: Basic Books.

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