A woman listening carefully while her therapist talking

Peace in the Present: The Gift of EMDR Therapy

Guest blog post written by Starr Hall

After the traumatic abuse I experienced stopped, I wished I could stop it from invading my present life. I was on high alert. I felt unable to stop my body from warning me of danger that I was no longer experiencing. There was a part of me that knew I had done everything in my power to progress, and another part of me that was still so afraid. What was going on? I had rebuilt my life. So why was I still fearful of my abuser? I longed to feel safe again, but I didn’t know how to make that happen. Then I heard about EMDR therapy.

When I first heard about EMDR, I wasn’t sure if it was for me. I was willing to put in the work to heal. But it sounded, well, a bit strange. I thought, “So you’re telling me that all a therapist has to do is wave their hand in the air, and that is supposed to help? You’re kidding, right?” Luckily for me, I had a trusted girlfriend that I could go to with my questions. I asked her, “Tell me about EMDR. What’s it like? Is it weird? Does it really help?” She answered all of my questions because she had been there, and now I hope I can answer some of yours.

What is EMDR?

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It has become a best practice in the clinical community to treat trauma. During an EMDR session, bilateral stimulation is used, usually involving the client’s eyes. The therapist holds their hand up and moves it back and forth horizontally while the client follows with their eyes. Researchers believe these eye movements imitate the body’s rapid eye movement (REM) sleep. In order to practice EMDR, the therapist must be trained to follow a step-by-step process that includes bilateral stimulation and a script.

What’s it Like?

Here’s what happens at a typical EMDR session: First, a calming, safe place is established by practicing techniques like deep breathing, guided relaxation, etc. My calming place is the ocean. I imagine myself sitting on the beach with a vast view of the ocean, my toes in the sand, the sun on my face, breathing in the fresh salty air, listening to the waves as they crash. The therapist guides the client through this. Soon the client can practice these self-care techniques on their own. After establishing a safe place, the client answers the questions the therapist asks, then engages the body in a bilateral stimulation, then answers questions again, then bilateral stimulation, and so on. EMDR allows the client to reprocess traumatic memories. The script guides the session, and the client guides the reprocessing.

Is it Weird?

EMDR may sound a bit weird, but it was not as intimidating as I expected. It’s not that different from talk therapy. It felt liberating to work through past traumatic experiences with both my mind and body.

Does it Really Help?

Yes! A resounding yes. EMDR allowed me to process past traumatic experiences in a new light. I felt completely different than I had before. Before, I felt fearful. After, I felt free. F R E E. A transformation took place within me. I had my life back. I was astounded at the healing that took place in less time than I could have anticipated. EMDR gave me the gift of separating my past from my present. This not only restored my sense of safety, it also gave me peace. If I could share this gift with every trauma survivor, I would.

You can find true healing and overcome trauma in many ways. EMDR was part of my path to healing. Trust your intuition and find what is right for you. Healing IS possible. Not only have I walked this path, I have seen others walk it, too. Strong, courageous, incredible survivors have shown their ability to find hope and healing time and time again. No matter how insurmountable it may seem, you have the power to overcome trauma and find peace in the present. I invite you to discover your own path to healing. I am cheering you on every step of the way.

Guest blog written by Starr Hall

Share this Post

Your gift can support survivors and help them Reclaim Hope.

Charmaine, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat and exists.

To Be a Survivor Means That I Exist

I’m going to be honest – it bothered me deeply to be called a survivor. To me, to be called a survivor meant that I was saying that I was weak. So before I attended the Saprea Retreat, and to ease my mind, I decided to look up what the word “survivor” meant. To my surprise, the definition touched my heart.

“1. Someone or something that still exists after an event that could have killed or destroyed them.
2. Someone who manages to continue a successful life despite very bad experiences.”

To be a survivor means that I Exist. I am still here and thriving. The sexual abuse that was done to me as a child and early teen wanted to define me and wipe me out of existence physically and emotionally. For many years I struggled with my very existence and I hated my existence. It wasn’t until three years ago when I was going to commit suicide that I realized my choice would not only affect me but everyone that my life touched. My powerful choice was choosing to LOVE myself for the first time and exist.

No longer would suicidal thoughts exist to cloud my mind. No longer would depression exist to steal all of my beautiful moments. No longer would fear paralyze me from fulfilling my dreams and no longer would the pain of my past exist to block me from feeling or receiving Love.

Why? BECAUSE I EXIST!

My very existence is POWERFUL. The very fact that I exist, that I survived, has changed this world for the better.

My experience at the Saprea Retreat will never be forgotten. It was truly life-changing and has helped my heart to open so that I can receive Love. This is HUGE for me and such a great breakthrough.

Thank you so very much to Derek and Shelaine Maxfield for Saprea; it is truly a Godsend. Thank you so very much to all the beautiful staff at the Saprea Retreat. Your love, care, and support are graciously appreciated. God bless you all abundantly.

To all my beautiful survivor sisters, I want you to know that you are loved, you matter, and you exist. You are more powerful than you think. Keep shining bright being you and don’t, I repeat, don’t ever turn down your light for no one. You were made to SHINE. Lastly, celebrate yourself with every step that you take. You are worth celebrating. I love you!

-Charmaine, Survivor

Interested in Attending Saprea Retreat?

Michelle, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat because she struggled to tell people her story.

I Struggled Talking to People About My Story

I understand how uncomfortable it is to talk about what happened as a child. For the longest time, I struggled to talk to people about my story. I truly hope sharing my story will help you feel not alone.

At times I’ve felt alone, scared, and abandoned. Not knowing who to trust. As a child, I felt like it was my fault for what happened to me. I felt ugly, angry, and anxious. Later in life, I struggled with depression. When I lived in Albuquerque, NM is when I found a wonderful homeopathic doctor who helped me see things in a different light.

I found forgiveness and hope. Hope that I was not alone. I felt safe in knowing it wasn’t my fault for what happened to me as a child. I was taken advantage of. I’ve learned to love myself knowing what happened to me was not my fault. Going to the Saprea Retreat opened my eyes much more. It helped me realize we are not alone. There are other women out there who need to find hope, to fight back to know they are enough. You are loved. Keep on fighting, and find your voice.

-Michelle, Survivor

Interested in Attending Saprea Retreat?

Rachel, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat and had a special experience.

I Had a Very Special Experience at the Saprea Retreat

As a child I never felt whole, I always felt like there was a void in my life that I couldn’t fill. I had very deep emotions and was a sensitive child. I was shy and distant and felt like I was much different from the other children.

The abuse went on until my family moved when I was 12 years old. I told a woman I trusted from my church; she was the first person I ever told.

These memories invaded my thoughts, constantly. I had so much anger toward him and toward my parents for letting me be at his house alone and overnight so many times. I stopped caring about everything. I dropped out of high school in my senior year. I started using marijuana and cocaine. I met someone who lived on the other side of the country and hopped on a bus and ran away. I finally returned home but continued to use drugs. They were my escape from the abuse and life in general. I was able to find sobriety and will celebrate 4 years sober this year!

In June 2017, my fiancé tagged me in a post on Facebook. Someone was sharing their story and talking about this amazing place called the Saprea Retreat. I considered it, I couldn’t believe it was free of cost, that it was only a 30-minute drive, and that there was something like this out there. It seemed too good to be true. I knew I needed to apply and go. I had been working so many years on trying to forgive him for what he did to me. I spent so many years being a victim.

I had a very special experience at the retreat. I was able to meet some amazing women with similar stories. I was able to attend classes, a mini makeover, and group therapy. On the last night of the retreat, I wrote a letter to my abuser. When I was done, I went outside, in the dark, under the stars and in the beauty of nature. And I read his letter aloud, hoping God would let it echo in his ears for eternity. I closed my eyes before I was done reading and pictured me as a little girl, hurt and alone and crying on the floor. And then a light came on, and the little girl looked up and saw the woman who I am today. I took the little girl’s hand, I helped her up and brought her out of the darkness. At the end of the letter, I said, “I finally break these chains you have held on me. You no longer get to control me. And now I am free.” I tore the letter up and threw it in the fire.

-Rachel, Survivor

Interested in Attending Saprea Retreat?

#MeToo movement from the point of view of a survivor of child sexual abuse.

A Survivor’s Perspective: What #MeToo Has Meant to Me

Guest blog post written by Katie Wilson

Before the #MeToo movement, being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse was something I carried with me for years. It was what I called a “known secret,” meaning members of my family knew it happened but chose to look the other way. This caused a lot of pain throughout the years. But it was still something I was never vocal about because I felt I had to protect the family secret and not let anyone be hurt by what had happened to me.

Through the years the pain built up, and the weight became too much to carry. So, I sought out therapy to help me work past it. While I was slowly making some progress, the #MeToo movement started. I saw so many girls that I knew and went to school with coming out about their own abuse. They talked about how they were tired of the stigma around abuse and would no longer be held captive by the shame and guilt that came with it.

They spoke out!

I was so surprised, and I felt hope and a sense of community. I knew I wasn’t alone in this but hearing the conviction and the power in others’ stories, I felt that it was finally my time to let go of the fear of being judged and ridiculed. I wanted to instill those feelings of power in others the way they were instilled in me.

I posted my story.

I thought I was going to stop breathing. My head was spinning, and I felt sick. I couldn’t believe what I had done. Was my family going to be upset? Would I lose people in my life that I loved? What would I do if someone in my family called me and was angry? How would I respond if someone didn’t believe me?

Well, in all honesty, there were some negative results. I did get phone calls. People in my family were upset with me. I did lose relationships with people I loved, and I may never get them back. But I would not change a thing. I realized that even though it was painful, letting go of those relationships was what I needed most. I have never felt more free. I can now see that those relationships were not healthy or serving a purpose in my life. They were stopping me from creating relationships with those that do want the best for me, who love me, and want to see me happy and successful.

Because of my past, I never thought I could find peace about who I am now. After I came out with my story, it was like I had a mess of puzzle pieces in my head that I was finally able to put back together. Individuals reached out to me and thanked me for doing what I did. Through reading my story and seeing the courage I, and many others, displayed in our posts, these people expressed that they were inspired to have a voice and show that courage as well.

There’s nothing else that I would rather come out of sharing my story than giving courage to the people who need it, despite how difficult it may have been for me to say. After all, isn’t that one of the points of going through hardships? So we can help the next person in line that may need the extra support to let go of the pain that is holding them back?

I was hurt as a child and went through things that a child should never have to go through, but I am a survivor. I am a fighter. And I will always be a supporter.

Stephaney, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat and never knew there was hope for her.

I Never Believed There Was Hope For Me

Hope. I never knew that one word could have such a huge impact on my life. Ever since my abuse, I never believed there was hope for me.

Arriving at the Saprea Retreat, I was a ball of nerves and anxiety, but those feelings quickly faded once I vowed to not isolate myself. I learned it was okay to cry, to feel, to scream, and to be happy. The activity that put a lot into perspective for me was the kintsugi project. It showed me that what was once broken can be mended and become something even more beautiful. I have truly taken that to heart and live every day reclaiming hope. The lessons and coping techniques I learned while at the Saprea Retreat have empowered me to be my best me. I’m a survivor and a warrior. I have hope.

-Stephaney, Survivor

Interested in Attending the Saprea Retreat?

Angela, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat and learned that she is not what happened to her.

I Am Not What Happened to Me

I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become.

I never thought I would say those words. I never thought I would be okay. Today I choose happy. I choose strong.

I was abused beginning at a very young age, and this abuse continued into adulthood. My mother knew of my abuse, yet did not stop it. I felt alone, scared, and unprotected. I blamed myself for my abuse.

I applied and was accepted to the Saprea Retreat. I was scared. Scared I would be judged. The opposite happened. I found hope. I found 21 other women who are strong and who understood me. I was immediately accepted. For the first time, I truly believed that my abuse was not my fault. I now have a group of strong women behind me, my tribe. They are my best friends. They give me strength when I can’t find it in myself.

I’m still learning to forgive my abuser. But, I have learned to forgive myself. I can smile again. I am truly happy. This retreat has saved my life.

-Angela, Survivor

Interested in Attending Saprea Retreat?

Andrea, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat and was rejuvenated.

I Felt Rejuvenated by the Peace at the Saprea Retreat

Nineteen years after my trauma, the effects of PTSD had manifested and I felt like I’d completely lost control. I was fortunate to start my healing with a therapist in 2016. However, I needed more, but I didn’t know what I needed.

Thanks to social media, I heard about the Saprea Retreat. I saw a video of Shelaine Maxfield talking about the retreat, and I immediately felt like I should attend. I applied and I feel so blessed that I was offered a spot.

For me, the experience at the retreat is indescribable. Because much of the retreat focuses on educating survivors, I was able to learn what happens to survivors of childhood and adolescent sexual trauma. Honestly, knowledge really is power. I am empowered by what I learned about my brain and my body. I learned coping skills and gained confidence. I realized I’m not alone. The experiences and presentations offered so many chances to discover more about myself and to heal.

I felt rejuvenated by the peace at the retreat, although I was apprehensive to attend, I immediately felt comfortable and safe. The staff was so caring and genuinely kind. This retreat helped me accept who I am; my story. With the knowledge gained there, I feel eager to continue down the path of healing.

I am forever grateful for the friendships I made with women from all over the world. We are survivors. I felt closer to these women in a day than I have with people in a very long time. We are a sisterhood of survivors!

I feel confident. I love me! I haven’t been able to say that for a very long time. I am a survivor. I am reclaiming hope. I am strong, beautiful, and worthy of love and happiness!

-Andrea, Survivor

Interested in Attending the Saprea Retreat?

How to Heal: 11 Books That Can Help You

One of our most-asked questions from survivors is “What can I do today?” One answer is read. The books below were suggested by clinicians and survivors alike. These books helped survivors know they weren’t alone, the next steps they could take, or ways to cope with the day-to-day reality of recovering from childhood sexual abuse. Maybe one of these books can help you on your healing journey.

01
TRAUMA AND RECOVERY
by Judith Herman

This is considered one of the foundational texts for understanding trauma survivors. Although it was first published in the early 90s, it has remained relevant to clinicians and survivors alike.
Purchase Here
02
OVERCOMING TRAUMA THROUGH YOGA
By: David Emerson and Elizabeth Hopper

Yoga is an excellent way to reconnect with your body as you heal from your trauma. This book addresses how to find a trauma-sensitive yoga class and the benefits you’ll find in attending one.
Purchase Here
03
BODY KINDNESS
By: Rebecca Scritchfield

So many of us have issues with our bodies, and this book takes the time to address why we feel that way. While not specifically related to trauma, it falls in line with our 5 Strategies to Reclaim Hope and our focus on taking care of our bodies.
Purchase Here
04
FULL CATASTROPHE LIVING
By: Jon Kabat-Zinn

Kabat-Zinn is known for his insight into meditation and mindfulness. In this book he addresses the ways that stress can limit our lives – and how to overcome them.
Purchase Here
05
THE GIFTS OF IMPERFECTION
By: Brené Brown

Much of Brown’s work deals with vulnerability, bravery, and how to accept yourself as you truly are. Here she talks about how limiting the idea of perfection is and the breakthroughs that come through embracing our imperfection.
Purchase Here
06
GETTING PAST YOUR PAST
By: Francine Shapiro

As the creator of EMDR (Eye Movement and Desensitization Processing), Shapiro has created a way for survivors of trauma to understand EMDR and utilize it to find healing.
Purchase Here
07
TAPPING IN
By: Laurel Parnell

Another book on EMDR, this one shows you how to create your own self-guided program so that you can use EMDR yourself as one healing tool.
Purchase Here
08
THE SEXUAL HEALING JOURNEY
By: Wendy Maltz

This book was written specifically for survivors of sexual abuse and carries great insight into what you may be experiencing and how to help you to manage better when it comes to sexual relationships, identity, etc.
Purchase Here
09
THE ANATOMY OF PEACE:
By: The Arbinger Institute

The Arbinger Institute created this tome as a reference for how to handle conflict, find hope, and inspire reconciliation. This will help you view peace and forgiveness in a different way and find it for yourself.
Purchase Here
10
LOVINGKINDNESS
By: Sharon Salzberg

This book is all about happiness and ways we can find it for ourselves. Based on a Buddhist practice known as lovingkindness, this book will show you how to have more love and compassion for yourself – and others.
Purchase Here
11
JOURNEY TO THE HEART
By: Melody Beattie

With 365 meditations, this book has one for every day. Meditation can be a powerful tool on your healing journey, and this book makes it easier than ever to start meditating today.
Purchase Here

Whether you read one of these books above, one of the books we’ve recommended before, or find your own, equipping yourself with knowledge and understanding will benefit you. We encourage you to take charge of your own healing journey. Start today.

Please Note:
This post contains links to Amazon.com. As an Amazon affiliate, The Younique Foundation gets a small commission if you buy from these links that helps to support our cause at no extra cost to you.

Share this Post

Your gift can support survivors and help them Reclaim Hope.

Theresa, a survivor of child sexual abuse, attended The Haven Retreat and is learning to love herself.

I’m Learning How to Love Me

For as far back as I can remember, I could never look into a mirror and be happy with the person looking back at me. I was depressed, angry, and felt completely unworthy. I built walls around myself, pushing people away to protect myself from ever getting hurt again. Little did I know that I was only making things worse.

In July of 2015, I decided it was time to face my fear and share my story, in hopes that someone could relate to me. After sharing my story, my temper got worse. My mood swings became more frequent. I became more distant with my husband. I blamed it all on giving birth to my youngest son, 11 months prior. It had to be my hormones, right? WRONG! At this point I didn’t know who I was anymore. There were very few things in life that would make me happy. I came to my breaking point and knew something had to change.

The Saprea Retreat was a huge eye opening experience for me. I learned so much about myself. I was finally, for the first time in years, able to connect with my body. I was able to feel again. I’m learning how to love me.

It was so incredibly peaceful at the retreat. The bonding that I experienced with these women in such a short amount of time was mind-blowing. I had never been surrounded by so many women and felt accepted. Attending the Saprea Retreat was definitely life-changing for me. I’m now looking forward to continuing my healing process at home. I’m ready to love and accept who I am because I am worth it. We all are worth it!

-Theresa, Survivor

Interested in Attending Saprea Retreat?