I let the abuse control and take over my life for too long. When I went to the Saprea Retreat, I didn’t know what to expect but being with women who feel the same way made me realize that I wasn’t alone. I am proud to say I went to the Saprea Retreat because it changed me for the best. Going is the BEST thing you can do for you!

– Marie, Survivor

For months I debated applying for the Saprea Retreat, then finally I did. Then I said I wasn’t going to go, but I did. Then I swore I wasn’t going to share my story while I was there, then I did. I kept knocking down barriers and each time I did I felt more empowered!

Being given the tools to move on was amazing! The friendships I have made along the ways are for a lifetime! They are a support system of soul sisters! I honestly wasn’t expecting the emotional week I would have, but it was so healing! And now I walk through life feeling like I am worthy. I am enough. I am strong.

-Cassie, Survivor

“She told the seashell her story, whispering every secret her memories held. Then she laid the shell at the ocean’s edge and watched the tide pick it up and carry it out to sea…”

I arrived at the Saprea Retreat a shell of a woman; someone who did not realize how broken she was until it was time to start putting the pieces back together. I had spent many years downplaying my abuse and pushing it to the back of my mind that I truly did not know where to begin my healing journey. I spent the next couple days learning who I was again and remembering that young girl who was still inside me.

As my time at the retreat came to a close, I still felt as though something more needed to be done. I had packed a 3-page note that had my entire story written on its pages. I could feel its weight as I carried it with me through life and knew that it was time to let it go. Surrounded by my new soul sisters and as the crisp air whipped my hair and as the tears flowed freely, I ripped that note into a thousand tiny pieces and watched it flow down the stream. It was in that moment that I knew my soul was cleansed and that I was worthy of all the things my abuser tried to take away from me.

To say that Saprea saved my life is an understatement. Surrounded by the snow-capped mountains, the brightest blue skies, and the freshest air I have ever breathed; I was finally able to heal. And for that, I will forever be thankful.

-Carrie, Survivor

I had the amazing opportunity to attend the Saprea Retreat. Words cannot even begin to express how amazing of an experience it was for me! I have never been so at peace with myself and stress-free in my life as I was for those four days.

Yes, it was highly emotional and tears definitely flowed but it was like a release. Before my tears lead to anxiety attacks and severe anger problems. Now, I have learned how to control these moments and be happy and courageous.

I share my story so that anyone who has ever been through what I’ve been through can get the help they deserve and learn that they are strong, they are beautiful, and they are loved. Thank you so much to all of the wonderful staff that made us feel like royalty and taught us how to feel beautiful again!

-Brittany, Survivor

I had decided I had to quit looking in the review mirror and face it head on. Of course my feelings started to rise back up, the skeleton started to come out after 28 years of being in the closet.

I am a mother of four children, two handsome sons and two beautiful daughters. A grandmother of three handsome boys and one diva granddaughter. I was sexually abused. I would pray that one-day God would give me the strength to get out.

I had very low self-esteem of myself. I finally decided that I needed to curl-up and die or get up and fight. I made the decision to fight, and make a better life for my 3 children. Because this was not the life I wanted for me or for them to see.

I knew then that I could only cry out to my God to give me the strength, wisdom, knowledge & understanding on how to be the best single mom I could be to protect my children from harm and give them a better life than I had.

My favorite scripture is Philippians 3:14 “I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God.” So every time I get discouraged or feel like I couldn’t go on, or I am not good enough I just refresh my memory of this scripture. Know that God holds the key to my future and my children’s future. I know that what I went through was not right and I didn’t deserve it but because of it I am the Woman I am today. It only made me stronger and better not bitter.

I am thankful for the Saprea Retreat. It made me realize that it’s okay to talk about it, to get counseling if needed.

-Rebecca, Survivor

I learned of Saprea Retreat from a brave survivor on Facebook. I am forever grateful she shared. While the decision to attend was not easy—there are so many emotions that accompany such a decision—I am so glad it came down in the affirmative. I made a choice to learn. I made a choice to grow. I made a choice to turn and face the storm inside because I really wanted to calm it.

Arriving at the retreat was surreal. I was surrounded by women who were strong and courageous enough to come and face the same demons I was up against. We were all nervous and scared in some way. The staff were all welcoming and radiated acceptance, confidence, and love in such a powerful way, we were all put at ease and the work began almost immediately.

I was concerned about group therapy, but found that I truly enjoyed it. I had the most considerate ladies in my group. Their stories touched my heart and created a bond I will forever cherish and draw strength from. We still talk almost every day in a messaging group we set up. They are respectful, uplifting, and encouraging. They are my sisters and they fill what had been a gaping hole of family, friends, and connection.

Speaking of connection, the focus on getting in touch with your own body was so helpful. As survivors, we tend to disassociate with our own being. I found that to be so true for me. The Muay Thai was particularly profound for me. It was very rhythmic, much like the drum circle we experienced the first night. That was another thing I was skeptical about—but I went in open minded and I loved it. I could feel myself start to feel again, if that makes sense. Don’t get me wrong, I stunk it up! Good thing nothing important depended on me doing it well. But I learned a lot about how rhythm affects the body. I am continuing the work to find mine.

There is not a moment that I regret going. Even when the road seems so long still and I feel overwhelmed because there is so much to do in this healing journey, I am grateful I chose to begin the healing process. I have a lot more tools in my bag to handle the challenge, thanks to the retreat.

If you are in that moment of deciding whether to attend, if you feel a traumatic sexual event in childhood is still affecting you today, summon the courage and submit the application. You will need courage for more than four days, though. The retreat is just the beginning, but it is the most profound beginning I’ve ever had.

-Rebecca, Survivor

Once was more than enough! My abuse didn’t happen over the course of many years or instances. One time changed my young mind body and soul forever. Knowing that many had it worse than me, I went through life thinking my trauma didn’t mean anything because it was only one time. I discounted my pain for years, but I was never more wrong.

It doesn’t matter whether it happened once or a hundred times we still deserve to break free from the nightmare. It wasn’t till the Saprea Retreat that I felt worthy and deserving of a healing journey. With all of the things I learned at the retreat I look to my future with pride and a smile knowing there is a beautiful life to be lived. I am strong in the fact that the darkness of my past has no power over my present and I have the skills to protect my future. I am worthy and I do matter. We all do!

-Shelby, Survivor

There was a moment, not that long after I walked through the front door, where I just had to stand still and silent for a moment and let myself feel it all. The unknown usually feels pretty scary to me but oddly, I didn’t feel scared. The feeling that first hit me was a feeling that seems to be without words to describe it. It was like all these people were really new to me, but I’d known them forever.

The house was a house I’d never been in, but it felt like home. The energy was in full swing, but it was calm. Every doubt I had, every insecurity I felt, every single thing I’d worried about simply went away. All of those worries were replaced with a desire to just take it all in. Take in the education, the beauty, the amazing opportunity I’d been given, but mostly to take in the love.

Oh my gosh, the love. It’s a heart-, soul-, and brain-filling kind of love that seems to come from really long-lasting friendships or relationships that develop over time, but for me, it happened on day one of the Saprea Retreat. The relationships I formed with my new sisters are lifelong relationships, the kind that come from a mutual respect, love, admiration, and desire to really love another person.

These women are not victims, they are the bravest survivors you’ll ever meet, trust me. Every person who’s ever had their life changed by child sexual abuse, should find themselves in the arms of these survivors. You’ll find strength, resilience, bravery, humor, and you’ll find love.

-Diane, Survivor

When I put in my application for the Saprea Retreat, I really had no intention of attending. The idea of driving myself to the mountains of Utah and meeting a bunch of other women like me terrified me. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but I am thankful every single day I was given the opportunity.

Because of Saprea, I no longer feel alone, guilty, or ashamed of what happened to me. I was given the tools I needed to help myself heal. Best of all, I met 6 beautiful soul sisters that will be with me for the rest of my life. Anytime I’m feeling alone, all I have to do is talk to them and I instantly feel better.

-Michelle, Survivor

The thought of going to spend most of the week with people I didn’t know was so unsettling. But, I had accepted the invitation to go and there was no turning back. All the negative things going on in my head and all the hurt in my heart were no match for what I was about to experience!

My life was changed the day I stepped into the room with 18 other women I had never met. We immediately had a bond without saying a word. No words were needed; we all shared something in common and we all had compassion for one another because of what we shared.

I learned so much more about myself in those few days than I ever knew in the 48 years I have lived. The education and information were so enlightening about so many things that never made sense before. I am not the same person since going there! Attending the Saprea Retreat changed my life! It changed me!

I went there thinking the worst about myself because I wasn’t worth anything better than the worst. I left in a completely opposite state of mind; Knowing that I have worth, knowing that I am important, knowing that I have a voice and it’s okay to use it, knowing that I have a purpose in this life and, most of all, loving who I am!

-Lisa, Survivor