Don't compare your journey to anyone else's. Every survivor heals in a different way.

Don’t Compare Your Healing Journey to Anyone Else’s

Why do we compare ourselves to others? Whether it’s human nature or a product of the societies we live in, we all have a tendency to look at others and see how we match up. And, no matter the reality, we usually find ourselves wanting.

At The Younique Foundation, we think you shouldn’t compare yourself to anyone but yourself. As you work to heal from the trauma of your past, it won’t serve you in any way to compare your struggles with someone else’s strengths.

Instead, take time to look at who you were yesterday or last month or last year. Are you a stronger and more empowered person now than you were then? Of course, it’s easier to compare yourself to someone else rather than see your own progress. Here are five ways to break that comparison habit and focus on YOU:

1. Look past the “perfection.”

If someone is doing something that gives you that twinge of jealousy, then get to the root of your feelings. Do you wish you had more time for that specific thing? More resources? Try to create a goal for YOURSELF when you answer probing questions about why you’re jealous.

2. Don’t compare their highlight reel to your behind-the-scenes.

Don’t compare their best feature to your worst. It isn’t fair to anyone. Not only will it accomplish nothing, but also it will make you feel bad.

3. Spend some time focusing inward.

What do YOU want? What’s one step you can take today to get you closer to that goal? Take time to really get to know yourself and see what you’re lacking in your current life or what you’re enjoying and want to spend more time on.

4. A compliment to someone else is not an insult to you.

There are times when someone close to you will effusively compliment someone else. They may even compliment them on something that you feel is one of your strengths. Remind yourself that someone else being good at the same thing in no way diminishes your talent, beauty, or ability. There’s enough room for all of us.

5. Insulting someone doesn’t make you better.

The other side of this is when you see someone and judge them harshly. This may be unconscious, or it may be because you’re having a bad day, or any number of other reasons. No matter what, you need to pause and realize that tearing them down will not build you up. Try to temper those types of thoughts and give everyone the benefit of being a work in progress.

It can be common for survivors of childhood sexual abuse to compare themselves to others. But comparing only hinders your growth and gets you stuck in a negative mindset. The trauma of your past doesn’t need to define your present or your future. Take time to be a better YOU and empower others to be a better THEM.

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The Younique Foundation's 2016 Top 10 Blogs for Survivors

The Younique Foundation’s 2016 Top 10 Blogs for Survivors

The Younique Foundation had an amazing 2016. We were able to connect with so many survivors. Our blog is one of the key ways we do that. So here, in case you missed them, are our top 10 blogs for survivors.

  1. 5 Stages to Finding Healing explores how the five stages of grief are tied to the five stages of healing.
  2. The Relationship Between Addiction and Trauma discusses how childhood trauma can lead to addiction.
  3. Win the Fight Through Mindfulness explains how Mindfulness can help on your healing journey.
  4. The Effect Trauma Has on Your Brain explains how trauma can alter the way that your brain works.
  5. Your Brain and Trauma is another look at how trauma can literally change the way that your brain functions.
  6. The Forgotten Survivor is a guest blog written by The Younique Foundation’s Executive Director, Chris Yadon.
  7. I Get Triggered and That is Okay is a guest blog written by The Younique Foundation’s Image Coordinator, Annie Vandermyde.
  8. 8 Healing Books for Sexual Abuse Survivors is a list of books that any survivor can benefit from reading.
  9. Yoga: A Way to Find Healing for Trauma Survivors explains the great benefits that trauma-sensitive yoga can have on a survivor. It also includes a video that you can watch and try at home.
  10. The 5 Strategies to Reclaim Hope after Trauma gives a definition of each of our 5 Strategies to Reclaim Hope.

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Acknowledgement: accepting your truth as a survivor

Acknowledgement: Accepting Your Truth as a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse

An important step on the healing journey for any sexual abuse survivor is Acknowledgement. One of the 5 Strategies to Reclaim Hope, this strategy has four major parts:

  • Acknowledgement helps you accept where you are. You recognize your truth and what you need to do to improve. As long as you push aside the truth, you are fundamentally at war with yourself. Suppressing core feelings is both psychologically taxing and physically exhausting.

  • Acknowledgement helps you know that although the abuse is not your fault, it is your responsibility to get the help you need.

  • Acknowledgement allows you to courageously look at the past traumatic events in your life, understand the effect they’ve had on you, and know that you can heal.

  • Acknowledgement is a key to behavior change. It isn’t a one-time thing but an ongoing process. You have to continually Acknowledge where you are and know where you want to be.

    Acknowledgement can be attained in many ways, but we’ve found that writing and talk therapy are good places to start.

    The Power of Writing with Acknowledgement

    Writing is one of the safest and most powerful ways to access your deepest feelings. It’s important when you write to stay grounded in the present moment through Awareness. Note the current date and time and observe that you’re writing about an event that happened in the past. These simple steps will help you clearly distinguish between the past and the present.

    Even so, there may be some things that you’re not ready to deal with. Don’t force yourself to address anything that you’re not emotionally prepared for. Only go as far as you can.

    So where should you begin? Try writing for 15 minutes. Don’t stop, don’t worry about grammar or spelling, just write. Then put the pages away without rereading them. Every day for a week, write for just 15 minutes. At the end of the week, go back and look at what you wrote. What truths did you discover?

    The Power of Talk Therapy with Acknowledgement

    Another way to find your truth is through talk therapy with a licensed therapist. Sometimes the best way to work through a problem is to talk it through with someone who will understand but isn’t directly tied to your daily life. As you talk about your experiences, you’ll probably Acknowledge some truths you weren’t aware of before.

    Leave yourself some time to deal with these truths. Acknowledge where you are now and where you want to be. Keep checking in with yourself every once in a while. It’s difficult to make positive changes in your life if you don’t know where you are. Acknowledge your truth, look at what you need to do, and have the courage to take the steps toward healing that are necessary for you.

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    5 Tips on How You Can Respond When a Survivor Breaks the Silence

    While it will be difficult to hear that someone you love has been abused, the thing to remember is that healing is possible.

    Breaking the silence about their abuse can be one of the hardest things a survivor of childhood sexual abuse does. Even if it has been years since the abuse occurred, it is emotional, sensitive, and courageous to let someone else know about it.
    It can also be difficult for the family member or friend who is receiving the news. Family members and friends have deep feelings of love and care for survivors, but many don’t know the best ways to support a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Hearing that a friend or family member was treated in such a horrible way can be very challenging. It might come as a shock, and most likely a flood of emotions will accompany the news.
    So how can friends and family members respond appropriately? To help, here are five tips on how to respond (and not react) to your loved one when he or she breaks the silence of abuse:

    01
    Believe Them
    One of the greatest fears a survivor has when they speak about their abuse is that no one will believe them when they break the silence. Your opportunity as a supporter is to believe them and show confidence in them.
    02
    Listen
    It is natural to want to ask a lot of questions about the abuse, but to the survivor that can be intrusive. Before you ask, listen. You don’t need to speak to be there for someone. To many survivors, just telling someone they trust about their abuse will lessen the weight of isolation, self-blame, and secrecy. Listen without interrupting. Listening without being judgmental can be the greatest support you can give to your loved one.
    03
    Validate
    Reaffirm your love for the survivor, and reiterate that your love will never change. Let them know they are valuable and important. Re-emphasize that they matter. Make sure that your loved one knows that you are there for them and will be there at their side. Many times survivors carry around the belief that they are to blame for their abuse. Reaffirm to them that this was not their fault. Make sure they know that you don’t see them differently because of their past. Reassure them of this often.
    04
    Help Explore Options
    Helping your loved one know their options on how to proceed on the path to healing can be helpful to a survivor. Work alongside them as they try to find professional services that can help them overcome the trauma. Knowing that they are not alone in this process can make a big difference in a survivor’s healing journey.
    05
    Take Care of Yourself
    You are also affected by this abuse. Even though the abuse did not happen to you, knowing that it happened to someone you love will impact your life. Make sure you assess your feelings and remember to care for yourself. It isn’t possible to be your best self in your supportive role if you are too tired to listen with compassion or overfilled with emotions. After every conversation, make sure you do a healthy activity to re-center yourself. This can include going for a walk outdoors, doing yoga, or taking a jog around the neighborhood. Taking care of yourself along the journey will help your loved one too as you both work to find peace.

    While it will be difficult to hear that someone you love has been abused, the thing to remember is that healing is possible. With support and love from you and others, your loved one can overcome the trauma and find peace.

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